[A concerned farm employer asked some difficult questions about domestic violence. The farm employer’s inquiry is followed by comments posted to AG-HRnet and HRnet during the week of 24 July 2000.]

Two Difficult Cases
Concerned Farm Employer

This is an issue I feel very deeply about, one that wakens in me a great amount of concern and passion. To those who feel you have taken some risks by responding, and have climbed out on a limb ... I thank you for doing so. The individuals who are victims of domestic violence, I feel, are hanging by a twig off the end of that limb! By helping with this subject, you have chosen the right limb to climb out on.

Case I. What do you do when one of your employees, a victim of domestic violence, obviously wants relief from the full spectrum of abuse (emotional, physical, and financial) by the non-employee spouse, but remains unwilling to take substantial action such as separation from the abuser or police enforcement?

If the victims work performance deteriorates, but she is unwilling to take substantial action, should she, the ongoing victim, be put on notice, or is that heartless and insensitive? If the married couple is living on farm property, is it appropriate to evict one or both in the absence of a legal conviction?

Case II. What should an employer do if a pretty reliable rumor works around the grapevine that one of your employees makes a habit of whacking his own wife around the house? (Yup ... later you run across her at the grocery store and she's got a somewhat masked black eye and clear hand print bruises on her arm.)

Is it appropriate to hide behind plausible deniability of knowledge? ... even though the behavior represents the most heinous sort of betrayal of trust? Who wants an individual with such lack of character on their payroll? Yet what ethical degrees of freedom and responsibilities does an employer maintain?

By the way ... the guy is in jail and the victim will be called to testify today ... she made it clear that she will avoid derogatory testimony that may lead to extended incarceration for him ... it appears she intends to take him back in as soon as he is released after he gets done with his third sentence (2nd with her). I honestly don't understand!

Co-dependent behavior
Randy Britton, SPHR
Director, Employee Relations, Regional Medical Center at Memphis

Case I. I once had a friend who was a recovering alcoholic. He had been sober for about 13 years when I knew him and we frequently had conversations about his experience in recovery and the issues faced by others recovering from various addictions. I believe that domestic violence is as much an addiction and a dependency as alcoholism or drug dependence, and the cooperative spouse is just as co-dependent as the spouse of an alcoholic. Some of the things my friend told me about his experience in recovery may well apply to this situation as well.

The most important thing my friend told me was that no one gets better until they've hit bottom (although "bottom" may be lower for some than for others). So it does no favor to an addict or a co-dependent spouse to allow them to escape the consequences of their own actions. The road to recovery has to begin with taking responsibility for one's own acts. It is not heartless and insensitive to hold your employee accountable for maintaining standards of performance. Nor is it an act of charity to let the employee slide on the job because she continues to let herself be abused at home.

Certainly, a little understanding is called for if it appears the employee is trying to deal with and remedy her situation. But, the abuse will continue as long as she lives in the same house as the abuser and as long as she fails to take measures to protect herself. An employer's failure to hold the employee accountable for taking steps to improve her performance (which must necessarily entail steps to end the abuse) only serves to enable the abuse to continue.

Case II. This is tougher to answer, but it seems to me that if this happened to me I would see my ethical dilemma limited to that of any individual confronted with such evidence of abuse. I don't see that I would have any special responsibility as a representative of my employer. I have to admit that the one time I was confronted with such evidence of abuse, I came up wanting.

Many years ago, my wife and I lived in half of a duplex. On two or three occasions, we could hear the man who lived in the other half beating his girlfriend, who lived with him, and her crying and pleading with him to stop. One time, when we came home the next day, we passed the woman on the porch. The bruises and black eye from the beating were painfully obvious. I'm not proud to say that we didn't know what to do and so ignored what was going on as best we could until we moved. I hope that now, perhaps emboldened by recent laws that don't require a victim's complaint for the police to pursue charges against an abusive partner, I might have the character to call the police when I heard the cries and pleadings of someone being beaten.

When victims do not take steps to stop abuse it is, as I said earlier, an issue of addiction and co-dependence. Unless the woman is committed to stopping the cycle of abuse, the only option the employer has is to disentangle itself from the pathological relationship that exists between these two people. The woman will not put a stop to the abuse until she sees that, unless she does, she will lose everything that matters to her.

What employers can do when domestic violence strikes
Trula Michaels LaCalle, Ph.D.
Organizational Consultant and Trainer

Regarding the two cases on domestic violence, I'd like to address the issue in a broader sense, rather than each individual case. Three specific steps to take include:

1. Formulate policies regarding workplace aggression and violence (behavior which may occur anywhere on company property or via telephone). Check with a labor law attorney before finalizing your policies. Include your policies in your employee handbook or any other written policy notifications you hand to your employees.

2. Consider contracting with an employee assistance program (EAP) that offers individual, family, and couples counseling with a designated off-site EAP counselor employed by a commercial EAP organization. In pre-established EAPs, private counselors are paid for by the company, and usually provide 3 to 10 visits (a fixed number is designated in the contract, prior to any employee using the EAP). If more visits are needed, the EAP counselor refers the employee to other community counseling resources, on a "sliding scale" (ability to pay) basis, to a private counselor who accepts the company's medical health insurance, or to any other competent counselor the employee can afford to pay.

When you do not have a contract with an EAP provider, try calling your local department of mental health or psychological association, and ask for a referral to a private counselor who specializes in workplace issues, drug/alcohol abuse, and family stress. The private counselor(s) you select should also have at their disposal a referral list of community resources where the female employee (or sometimes male) can go for legal assistance, shelter, and possible financial assistance. When you find a counselor who is right for your company (you may ask for some guidance on this from your referral sources), form an agreement with the counselor to accept your employees for counseling, and have you billed for the services.

These sessions usually are not paid out of the employer-provided medical insurance benefits. However, sometimes insurance is used and the employer pays for the co-pay on behalf of the employee. Pay the contracted number of visits without question as to why the visits were necessary. Have a clear understanding with the EAP service, and individual counselor, that you will respect confidentiality between the employee and the counselor.

Whether you contract with an EAP organization, or with a private counselor, explain to your employees that you are providing this service as an additional benefit of employment. Give your employees the name, address, and phone number of the counselor. Stress the confidentiality issue, as well as the positive impact that using this service may have on reducing burdensome life stress and, therefore, help them maintain performance standards on the job. It is best to set up a program ahead of time, but you can make arrangements when particular situations arise.

3. Offer staff training regarding workplace violence, and how domestic violence can spill into the workplace jeopardizing the safety of everyone. During the training, employees can receive brief information on why domestic violence occurs and continues and where wives (and sometimes abused husbands) can turn for help. You may check for availability of local trainers, such as those from the American Society for Training and Development. Oftentimes you can get professional services for far less cost to you if you pool your resources with other farmers. Aside from professional trainers, other possible low-cost sources are instructors from the local community college, therapists from the county department of mental health, and non-profit corporations that have volunteers and staff who have been trained to train your employees (e.g., the American Red Cross, the YWCA Women's Shelter, Catholic Charities, the community education department at a non-profit hospital, etc.).

The problem of domestic violence is a serious and complex problem. Many books have been written on the "battered woman syndrome" in order to attempt to explain the interpersonal dynamics between spouses. I'd say to you, don't expect to understand why the battered employee continues to support the batterer. Instead, support the victim (female or male) and avoid the temptation to put the blame on him/her. Consider how the violence puts other people, not only the abused employee, at risk.

Finally, just a few words about workplace violence. When employer liability is at issue, attorneys advise employers to ask the alleged perpetrator to respond in writing to carefully drafted written allegations or to interview alleged perpetrators in the presence of security personnel or law enforcement officials. While these methods legally protect the employer, they may enrage a worker who is embarrassed by illiteracy or who loses face in front of security personnel and local law enforcement officers. Attorneys advise being extremely cautious to avoid violating the rights of the alleged perpetrator or defaming the employee when talking to others. Using a mental health consultant to assist the employer with sensitive, confidential interviewing would likely reduce tensions and employer liability at the same time.

The need for professionals
Mike Coffey
Coffey Consulting

You bring up interesting points, My experience as a former HR-manager and as a private investigator may help contribute to a better understanding. When an employee is in an obviously abusive situation, I'd have no problem with suggesting that the employee obtain assistance through your EAP. If and only if the employee's performance is deteriorating, you might even mandate EAP participation as a condition of continued employment until performance is back at expectation, depending on what your policy is.

If you don't have an EAP, you can point the person to community resources for crisis intervention. I wouldn't try to counsel the employee yourself. It is not your role and will make it even more difficult to manage the situation down the road.

If performance does not improve, then your responsibility is to take other corrective action, including reassignment, demotion, training, or termination, as appropriate. To do otherwise is to be an enabler to the abused person's self-destruction. Some people have to suffer the most severe consequences of their actions in order to get help. You aren't helping them by tolerating poor performance.

My investigations firm deals with issues similar to this both (1) when conducting internal investigations for the employer and (2) when assisting with the preparation of the accused abuser's defense in a criminal case. It is very common for the victims of abuse to not want to press charges or see their abuser face any consequences for their behavior. I've had cases where I know that the abuser, if not removed by the court, will injure their partner again in the future. However, the victim wants them back home and there's nothing that I can do about it. Believe me, no amount of confrontation or dire warnings by an untrained third party will make a difference when the codependent relationship is this destructive.

Now, as for the abuser in your employ... if the individual has been charged with a crime, then you can and should take action to protect the workforce. If it is rumors, even if you saw the wife all black and blue in the grocery store yourself, stay out of it unless the abuser's performance or relations with coworkers is impacted.

Dangerous decisions
Christina Zelazek, SPHR
Employee Relations Officer, Oregon State University

I have dealt with domestic violence issues in my workplace—different than the ones you present, but troubling all the same. Some things we have done: handing out cards from our local domestic violence agency and having them come to speak at a mandatory training, and giving out books about domestic violence to those in need. Most important for me was learning about the issue—why don't they leave? is a popular question. Elaine Weiss wrote a book about this, which is very powerful. Often, the women know when it is safe to leave, and when it's not (most women who are killed by their spouses are killed while trying to leave, or after they've left). Only the person involved knows how to handle things, and when. Your situations are very difficult. I'd recommend being as supportive as possible to the victims, calling the police as appropriate on the abuser (as he's doing this on company-owned property), and getting the employers and employees some education on the issues.

I don't really disagree with the idea of focusing on an employee's job performance, to a point. I do think some accommodations can be necessary and helpful to employer and employee--for example, I have excused a staff member from an important meeting because she had to go to court on a restraining order against her spouse. We once gave an employee some extra paid leave time to recover from injuries. You get the idea. It is a fine line between helping and enabling. I have read a number of excellent books on the subject of domestic abuse, and if you are interested in a list of recommendations, please drop me a note. Good luck. Breaks your heart, doesn't it?

On hitting rock bottom
Gregorio Billikopf Encina
University of California

Yes, it breaks my heart. I, too, feel the frustration of not being able to just "fix it." The advice to employ the appropriate professionals—including attorneys, police, counselors, and psychologists—should most certainly be taken seriously. I find myself constantly making referrals of one sort or another. Nevertheless, there are moments of crisis that are bound to arise, that will require the very best we can give in being a good listener. I cannot imagine refusing to hear someone out in their moment of need, if they have turned to you. And people will turn to you, sometimes at the most unexpected times.

On one such occasion, I had the opportunity to listen to a person who was rapidly headed towards "rock bottom," and had lost much of the joy of living. The thought entered my mind, that rock bottom—if an individual is alive—does not exist. In an effort to enable people to take charge of their lives—and I am not here to suggest that they can do so without help—it is good to realize that no matter how bad things are, they can always get worse. If our lives are going the wrong direction, almost as soon as we decide to make a U-turn, we can see joy return. It is at that U-turn moment, that our lives have hit a virtual rock bottom. We can now turn around and gaze at the beauty of the trees, and the mountains, and all the beautiful things of the earth, and give thanks.

Articles
Table of Contents